21.10.2011 | by Dracovina | | Comments (25)
About broken friendships
Can a same-gender friendship give you exactly the same as one with a different gender? Is not it so that you can not relax because you can not yet talk about all topics casually with sympathy and that you sometimes feel the fear deep inside of you that the other person can generate eventually more feelings than some for a friendship? Or does gender play no role at all to familiar interaction with each other without any inhibitions and ulterior motives? But what would say the partners of a close relationship when the other one is at a friend opposite gender and they are alone for hours, without any sense of time, very intense talk and maybe even talk about the relationship problems?
Thoughts. Questions. Problems.
No one can tell me that a friendship between two women or two men is exactly the same as one between man and woman. Simply the idea that I as a woman complain about any period pain at a man, talk about as a single person about the sweet guys at the gas station or just want to get rid of my gossip — everything feels kind of strange and differently than if I would talk about it with like-minded people. It is really quite clear. Because women are just women and understand each other better, cos somewhere they are on pretty much the same wavelength. What should said by a man about the female period? "Yes, I already had your problem, there is nothing wrong, my gynecologist said."? I do not think so. If it does, I would make different thoughts. A woman would rather say to the cute guy "Maybe you'll meet him soon again, throw a flirtatious glance over to him and see how he reacts." as a man. However he might think more: "This guy you'll never meet again anyway, that was fortune. You would have been better to talk to him immediately." Of course that is not always the case, the exception proves the rule. But I am of the opinion that somehow both sexes still correspond to a "basic pattern" and feel and think different in each case.
A beautiful quote to the understanding of women:
The female character is so often misunderstood, simply because it is the natural beauty of the woman to cover up her mind as her charms.
Friedrich von Schlegel, (1772-1829), ger. philosopher, writer & Ltr.-Scientist.
And what about the feelings? Both notice in deep conversations that they have many similarities and that they understand themselves very well, they trust blindly and above all, can really talk to each other about everything. There is nothing embarrassingly or unpleasant. Until one of them still noted that she / he has more feelings for the other and wants more, a close relationship between them because everything somehow seems perfect. They harmonize just great and visually the other is still very attractive. If the other person just sees it like that, everything is really perfect, just a new liaison is formed, and perhaps even forever. But what if those feelings are only from one side? Then all will be strange at once and it is just not the same anymore. Even the words "we can still be friends" have little effect, because at least one of them will distance from the other. Either due to the reason that she/he is not able to stand dealing with other person like it is normal, as if nothing had happened, and yet feels somehow like an idiot because of the declaration of love, or due to the reason that the whole situation is uncomfortable for her/him, because she/he knows that there more feelings and has to think that at every glance, every touch she/he immediately thinks that it means the other one more than himself. And that is kind of unpleasant, the situation is inhibited, with each harmonization both have their own thoughts. And that could destroy this once great friendship.
If a close partner is included in this whole situation, then chaos is perfect. Of course the partner do not like at all that the other is chummy with someone of the opposite sex. This reaction would be at least normal, jealousy goes with a healthy relationship, because she/he cares about the partner, it does matter what and who the partner goes in for something, it should be, at least. In my opinion.
There would be conflicts if the people in a close partnership have different views. One thinks it is normal to talk alone for hours intensively with the friend of the opposite sex, while the other is worried that perhaps more feelings could be generated, that the "friend" throws her-/himself to the partner or that the own communication could be less because the partner talk very extensively with the "friend".
"And anyway, he understands everything better and he always know what I mean." And already conflict was created. A penny could cause a breakup. Is not it clear that outside observers see the close relationship always different, than oneself? The biggest mistake you can make would be done here. There is a conflict because of jealousy in the relationship, one of them goes to his "friend" to cry and/or to get off his chest, the other one sits alone at home and hopes that things will get better. And this goes on and on, until one thinks that she/he can talk much better with his "friend" than with his own partner.
I think that this may not always be the case, but often.
Apart from all this points: Was there ever a man who had a friendship with the opposite sex with no ulterior motives (one-night stand, relationship)? Not always there is more but I do not think that every becoming friends with the opposite sex is to have a purely amicable relationship. At anytime, probably everyone thought "more", it is nature. I think.
In the end I can only speak for myself. Women should have a female best friend and a man should have male best friend. If it twists, there could eventually cause difficulties, arised from whatever reason. A lovely built-on friendship would break. Where I am not suggesting that opposite-sex friendships are impossible — quite the contrary. Two couples can have of a wonderful time. Two women, two men, the face have been resolved and everything is "normal". And of course, a simple friendship between men and women is possible somehow — but not nearly as intense as the same gender. It can be said about many things, like maybe even problems and the like, we understand each other well and everything is great, but it is just something different with like-minded people.
What experiences have you done with that topic?
Zitiert
Der einzige Weg, einen Freund zu haben, ist der, selbst ein solcher zu sein.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), amerik. Philosoph u. Dichter
Related to "About broken friendships":
Dracovina
27. Oktober 2011, 08:55 Uhr
Danke :)
Ja, sie ist auch noch nicht so lange online, aber freut mich, dass dir die neue Seite gefällt!