04.11.2011 | by | Relationships, Thoughts, Picture editing, Photography | Comments (15)

So near and yet so far

I have now thought about if distant love can work and under which conditions it could be a bond for eternity and whether it is even worth just considering to cause a long distance relationship.

Long-distance relationship: welcome and goodbye

One thing is already clear: relationships on distance are always fraught with more problems than "normal" ones, which you can visit the other regularly at short intervals. If you live at home/are a minor, it is the first thing to convince your parents that she/he is, despite distance the true love, that the relation will overcome the distance and that you are "big" enough to handle such a wide range from several hundred kilometers alone, whether by car, train or plane. Finally, it is the love of your life and you would do anything for her/him. But it feels not so in every relationship? So it should be, at least.

And what about the finances? If you visit the partner, who lives about 500 miles away, once a month, then there come along about 80-100 Euro travel costs (gasoline or train ticket). The hours that go by to be finally arrived are not very little. You had to invest a lot of money and time only to draw near to your lover. "Normal" couples can sometimes just go visiting the other after school or after work, what is not possible with partnerships in a long distance relationship. Just the time would fail, even if it would still fits so, then she/he had to drive back after a few minutes, so as not to come home too late. So there are only weekends or holidays/vacation days for long-distance relationship to visit each other and to do something together.

Long-distance relationship: welcome and goodbye

Just imagine that you would see your partner whom you love above all else only one or two weekends a month. You do not want to use the time intensively for cuddly togetherness and cozy TV nights in bed with a bowl of chips or popcorn? Those are the only couple of hours you can spend time together, where you have the opportunity to speak personally with each other, just to be together, so you do not want to waste a second and spend time with your darling intensive.
And what about your friends or your family? Immerged you could not and do not want to "let go" or to "share" your partner. There is very little time there anyway, so why should you waste it, go on party tour with friends? "They are there also next weekend and they certainly understand that I can not this weekend." Ideally you would only spend the precious time with yourself and your love.
But what if you are of the opinion that you should still spend time with friends and family? Then in return you have no more togetherness, it can not be talked with each other much more familiar, simply because there is no time, and you would most likely live apart. Communication is the lifeblood of a good working relationship. Even if everything works with others in the environment, there could be problems if you do not speak very much to each other in your everyday life and thus build confidence. Reasons for this could be stress at school/work or different school/working times. If the partner tells you that he goes to a colleague/colleagues, then it feels like strange, because you do not know her/his "friend" and can not rate her/him, nor do you know if she/he is really "just" a friend and no lover. There trust plays a huge role. Trust is a basic requirement for any partnership, and if that does exist only rarely or not at all, then there will be sooner or later big problems.

To come back again to the problem "time": So it is in principle no matter what is done? At weekends only together friends and family will feel neglected, and if you take on something together with them, then you are missing the much needed time together?

Long-distance relationship: welcome and goodbye

No, fortunately it is not so. In my opinion, a long distance relationship can work well, just like in a "normal", but of course it is different and it needs more attention and compromise.
If the financial problem is solved, then such a relationship is nothing in the way, assuming they both want it, love each other, trust each other and are very willing to compromise.

I think even if you can see your love only once a month, it is possible to have a good working relationship. The little time needs to be put to good use, in no case shall the hours are missing for two, but you must also visit friends and family. Although not as often as in a "normal" relationship, but it is necessary to ensure that the partner can be integrated into your life, and that includes the other people. Finally, the cohabitee sould and have to belong to life and she/he wants to know certainly people with whom you maintains contact and who is your best friend. Of course someday she/he wants get to know your parents and backwards.
A strong bond is created through shared experiences, which means you should not sit in any case only at home and enjoy your time by lying in bed watching TV. Sooner or later, both would be bored. The hours can be enjoyed at wonderful joint ventures, such as going to a cinema, a walk in the park, a visit to a bric-a-brac market, shopping, ice cream or a classic romantic dinner in the restaurant. The balance between togetherness and social enterprises will be held. How to spend the time is in the discretion of the couple.

By the way: If the couple live together, their own hobby would be included. It is very important that both partners can also busy oneself by their own and not depend on the other. Otherwise there would eventually be conflicts, because one feels crowded and thinks that he would be locked up and no longer has time for himself.

Long-distance relationship: welcome and goodbye

Two other basic requirements are trust and communication. Without the two points no partnership will work, and at a long distance relationship, they are even more important than usual. You must be able to trust your partner, that she/he, despite the distance, remains true. Because of the distance there is only trust left, with control you can not reach something (you wll never...). With skill and a bit of intelligence cheating could be concealed easily in a long-distance relationship, because the partner is not here and so does not notice. Of course, cheating is trash and I would not want anybody that he is ever betrayed and disappointed, but unfortunately, real life shows something else... — But anyway. In addition to trust communication plays a major role, and now when someone thinks "Sure, I tell her/him every day the positive experiences of the day, so our relationship which is not very easy will not affected by unnecessary negative feelings.", then she/he does not know what that means. It should be kept no small talk, but the couple has to tell each other about his life. Whether it is the joy at the newly purchased sweater or trouble with the school/work colleagues, it is all part of life, just as the partner. Just because you do not see the partner in everyday life, it is especially important that you share you everyday life via phone, notifies via webcam or chatting, of course, the latter being the most impersonal way. Both should have the feeling, despite the distance that she/he near by your life.

The most important thing in a long distance relationship is the prospect of an end, to an improvement. It must be planned ahead (partly) what the future will look nearly, because such a love is not possible for all eternity. Either one of them move to the partner, or both decided to go to a new home and move together there. Compromises are necessary. Even with the selection of a new training place or college/university, may already be thinking about the future. This is certainly the most difficult point of all, because one of them (or both) must give up everything, the job, apartment, friends and family to start a life together with the partner somewhere else. Visiting friends and family is no longer as frequently possible. If this relationship will failure at some point, for any reason whatsoever, then one is completely alone in this, so it should be well thought out this decision. When both parties surely say "No, I would not like to move away from here, never, it is my home, here are my friends, my family.", then a relationship has hardly any meaning, there is now clear that they would never live together.

Conditions for long-distance relationship in catchwords:

  1. Confidence
  2. Communication (joy and anger)
  3. Togetherness (alone on the sofa)
  4. Attemps (cinema, walking, ice cream, restaurant)
  5. Friends (visits, parties, etc.)
  6. Family (coffee, conversation, etc.)
  7. Prospect of an end to the distance

In my opinion a long distance relationship is possible, if the above points are adhered to. Of course, this also includes a "normal" relationship, but in a relationship at a distance you have to attach importance to this, because you lose the sight of the essential very fast, cause you are too busy with yourself, you enjoy the few time and points like friends will be ignored or it did not feel like it is necessary to change anything.

What do you think? Is there a future for s long-distance relationship, or should it rather be leaved? Is it worth trying? Do you have to mind some special things at this form of relationship?

Gedicht: Willkommen und Abschied

Es schlug mein Herz, geschwind, zu Pferde!
Es war getan fast eh gedacht.
Der Abend wiegte schon die Erde,
Und an den Bergen hing die Nacht;
Schon stand im Nebelkleid die Eiche
Ein aufgetürmter Riese, da,
Wo Finsternis aus dem Gesträuche
Mit hundert schwarzen Augen sah.

Der Mond von einem Wolkenhügel
Sah kläglich aus dem Duft hervor,
Die Winde schwangen leise Flügel,
Umsausten schauerlich mein Ohr;
Die Nacht schuf tausend Ungeheuer,
Doch frisch und fröhlich war mein Mut:
In meinen Adern welches Feuer!
In meinem Herzen welche Glut!

Dich sah ich, und die milde Freude
Floß von dem süßen Blick auf mich;
Ganz war mein Herz an deiner Seite
Und jeder Atemzug für dich.
Ein rosenfarbnes Frühlingswetter
Umgab das liebliche Gesicht,
Und Zärtlichkeit für mich - ihr Götter!
Ich hofft es, ich verdient es nicht!

Doch ach, schon mit der Morgensonne
Verengt der Abschied mir das Herz:
In deinen Küssen welche Wonne!
In deinem Auge welcher Schmerz!
Ich ging, du standst und sahst zur Erden
Und sahst mir nach mit nassem Blick:
Und doch, welch Glück, geliebt zu werden!
Und lieben, Götter, welch ein Glück!

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832), dt. Dichter, Schriftsteller

Related to "So near and yet so far":

Isa

07. November 2011, 22:24 Uhr

Huii das ist ja genau mein Thema O.o
Alsooo ich habe seit 3 Jahren eine Fernbeziehung - und ich muss noch bis September nächstes Jahr durchhalten :(
Wir sehen uns so alle 2-3 oder auch mal 4-5 Wochen. Die Entfernung zwischen uns beträgt ca. 140 km... Das bedeutet 2 bis 2 1/2 Stunden Autofahrt und (je nachdem was man für ne Fahrkarte bekommt) - 2 1/2 bis 3 Stunden Zugfahrt. Fahrkarte kostet zwischen 28-42 Euro ... Ja da kommt schon was zusammen. Aber bisher hat es (neben wenigen Kriesen) immer ganz gut geklappt. Klar gibt es Phasen, wo man am liebsten Aufgeben würde - aber ich finde die Vorfreude auf das reffen ist viel größer, wenn man eine Fernbeziehung führt. Alles ist viel intensiver und kostbarer...
Die Punkte die du aufgeführt hast, sind in der Tat sehr wichtig. Ich finde es am schlimmsten, wenn mein Freund Prüfungen hat und wir uns nur 1x am Tag für 5 min am Telefon hören. Das zieht sich auch mal über 1 Woche hin und dann ist das sehr deprimierend... Es ist nicht leicht - vor allem im Winter, wenn alle anderen mit ihrem Schatz im Bett kuscheln können (XD)... aber es lohnt sich, wenn man weiß, dass der andere der Richtige ist :)

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